January 31, 2004

• [#34] War Is Over...

  
  

  Did I use this title before? Yes I did...think I just love the way it sounds. What I really mean is: my tests are all finished...and I stayed up almost 30 hours (actually more counting the time I visited my parents afterwards) to finish writing my thesis and took a train ride over an hour as usual to turn it in. Well it was not even deadline but I just kinda want to get it done and get it out of my way.

  
  

  Yes the finals are over, and I said bye to school in my heart as I handed in my thesis coz I'm gonna graduate soon and become a salary-man from April, and I'm even planning a trip to Europe in Feb...

  
  

  But that's it! So strang that I dun even feel excited, or even feel a little bit released. After so much work had been done before the finals and thesis and now am I supposed to feel free and delighted? I'm a little confused coz I can't deny that I'm not feeling that way now.

  
  

  Pressure? Well that was lots of pressure on me but now I finished with the tests...somehow the pressure should go down a little. But I'm still feeling weired.

  
  

  My parents' departure? All the furniture they want to leave to me arrived, so my little dorm room was soon packed with stuff. I'm glad that I dun have to buy anything such as TV, microwave, toaster, fridge by myself after I found a new place and moved out of my dorm...which is going to be next month! This sounds like a quick 'move in, move out' tho I've been living in this dorm for 4 years. Today when I go visiting them after I finished arranging those furniture in the afternoon, they were sitting in the room waiting for me, a totally empty room without anything. It used to be the room I'm quite familia with (coz it's so small) but now every piece of furniture is either lying outside as a garbage or has come to my place. There was no light at all in the room before I turned the lights on so I could only see their shadows sitting in the dark. Maybe there were thinking about all these 7 years they spent in Japan? Of course I know that the most they'd be thinking about is me though. One of my friends said that I must be glad they are gone. Well I'm not. He said that because he knows I haven't coming out to my mom yet and I won't have peace if she comes bothering me with that coz she's suspecting things. But she's doing a lot better that before and if she wants to bother me, she can do it anywhere alike. Yet I'm not happy for them if they stay. It's too much hard work for my daddy who cured so many people but got so little rewards. Also my mom is the kind who enjoys friends' company and all that chat chat chat, however Japan became her prison because of the language problem. The sooner they get back to Shanghai, the better their life quality is...tho I know that the in terms of services, etc,  Japan is always the best in the world. So about their leaving, I basically don't feel that much, neither sentimental nor released.

  
  

  ...Or none of the above? And maybe that is the right answer? I dun know yet...but maybe also because I know that I'm gonna face the coming of a series of events soon and I'm simply feeling irritated? Anyway, one thing is for sure that I'm losing confidence in many things. For example, life, love, job or anything that is a noun (?) and how the hell I let that happen? I dun know that either...think I'll come up with a clearer reason when I find one. But hey what are you reading? This is private!
  

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  By the way, just finished all the [24]s, season one...and I really LOVE it! No no no, I mean that [24], not the link below! Take care!

  • 1:39 pm
  • 6 Comments